I'm sitting on the couch with my trusty heating pad placed firmly between my Nightmare Before Christmas covered pillow and sore back...savoring the smell of dark chocolate Ghiradelli brownies baking in the oven. I realize that these may be the last brownies I bake before I transition to motherhood. I made sure to appreciate every step of the baking process. The freedom to do every task without having to think about anything or anyone else...As much as it sounds like I am dreading the impending birth of our daughter, I assure you that I'm not! I'm celebrating the end of an era that had its ups and downs, twists and turns. These days I find myself treasuring all the little things that have occurred along the way.
Yesterday's prenatal appointment was...interesting. Dane had taken the day off to spend some time with me so we leisurely made our way up to the appointment. We stopped at Starbuck's for coffee and at Noah's for egg & cheese bagels. Our wait at the office to be roomed was unusually short and as we sat in the room waiting for the doc, we had no idea what news awaited us. Dr. Pravdin came in with her usual "neutral" demeanor, swabbed me for the strep B test again and then began to take measurements. Weigh in: 7.29 lbs, with a +/- 20% variance. Yes, Bean, your head is still gigantic! The doc couldn't check how dilated my cervix was because I was too uncomfortable, but what she could tell me was that I was still 100% effaced, station 0. My amniotic fluid was even lower than last week, which is cause for concern. She would like for us to come back on Thursday to measure my fluids again. If it's gotten lower, she will start induction Thursday evening. Dane and I aren't too happy about a probable induction, but at least we both agree that Bean's well being is most important. The only fear I've had about labor and delivery is coming true. Once I got pregnant I started to worry less about an alien being exploding out of my vagina (how I had always described the birthing process before) but started freaking out instead about all the complications that could occur that might make our child less than perfectly healthy. I dread the thought of forcing our precious little Bean out of the comfort of my womb before she's ready. I dread the thought of her having to be cut out because of fetal distress even more...how I wish this pregnancy had been less complicated.
I suppose we are happy sad. Happy that we might get to meet our daughter sooner than anticipated, but sad under these unnatural circumstances. Bean has been, what I like to think, gleefully bopping around in there. Her back, butt and limbs can be easily made out with a firm rub of my belly...I'd like to take at least one more high quality video of her moving around in there before she's born. Yesterday, Dane and I had a little pre-birth photoshoot out by the lake near the Googleplex. We realized that we really didn't document this pregnancy very well with photos. I hope that one day Bean will be able to look at the pictures and see how happy her parents were just knowing she exists. There is so much love for this unborn child from everyone, it's overwhelming, but we feel so very blessed!
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