The end is in sight...

This past Saturday was far from relaxing, but it was great to see our friends at a big outing one last time before we're officially parents. It was Alex's 35th birthday and he, of course, chose to have his shindig at Red Robin in Foster City. I think it amusing that he comes down to visit from Vancouver, BC and chooses such a "meh" establishment, but, to each his own. Dane and I still had a good time catching up and were grateful that we could make it to the event. After many, many hours we said our goodbyes and headed over to Hillsdale Mall so I could get my induction walk on. We even got to swing by the See's Candies for free chocolate samples! Bean, when you are old enough to appreciate good chocolate, your daddy and I have already decided that we are going to somehow make those trips to See's chocolate counters special--like for every holiday or something :) We have also wondered if you're going to be a dark chocolate purist or a fruity/nutty girl...Your daddy would probably appreciate it if you were into the fruity/nutty ones because then he could hoard all the fine darks to himself and give mummy the caramels and nougats, and you, all the fruity ones. I think our little family will probably just stick to the create-your-own box instead of the assorted boxes!

On Sunday, we tried a new breakfast place called Baji's Cafe. It was ok. I got 2 pancakes, 2 eggs and Dane got a falafel omelet with hash browns and wheat toast. I don't think we'd rush back anytime soon. Originally, we had considered going to the movies or having dinner and a movie night with a couple of our close friends but they weren't doing so well so we picked up a movie from RedBox. Dane picked a winner, lemme tell you. The title was "12/12/12" and it was about a demonic newborn. It was SO corny that half the time I didn't know whether to laugh or press stop on the remote. Yeah, it was THAT bad. But, at least it was a memorable movie for our last baby-free Sunday. Let's see...we also went to the library and walked around the park imagining Bean running up the graceful little hills in the back until it opened. I passed out on the couch for a couple of hours from exhaustion while Dane caught up with family on the phone. I woke up starving so we had some labor pizza at A Slice of New York--yum!--but it, too, did nothing for starting labor :(

Yesterday felt like it went by so fast. Probably because our OB appointment was at 1:45p. I had slept in until about 9 or so and took my time getting ready for the day. I did a load of laundry and then leisurely made my way up the peninsula, stopping at Joann's Fabrics to check out their Easter clearance. There wasn't anything good left so I made way to my appointment. I don't know if Dane was nervous at all at the appointment (hard to tell when he is always staring intently at his damn smartphone) but I certainly was. Michelle, the NP, was very kind, patient and thorough. She did a cervical exam and confirmed I was still 2+ cm dialated and almost completely effaced and took her time with the ultrasound, even letting us see Bean's face! It was such a weird feeling "oohing" and "awwing" at the creepy sockets in her round little skull. The profile was much cuter and revealed that she still had Daddy's round, pointy chin, a perky little nose and big lips. The initial ultrasound found a very low amount of fluid, but then Dr. Rydfors came in and was able to find a decent amount of fluid. We also began the discussion of induction, which resulted in us setting the date for tomorrow at 8pm. We had so wished Bean would come on her own, but the pain is getting unbearable and we were reassured that inducing now or later would not make much of a difference healthwise for her. It would, however, prevent me from continuing to suffer and releasing stress hormones to her and having to increase my pain meds. While I still have the energy and am not completely broken, we thought it'd be best to labor sooner rather than later. I have voiced repeatedly during this pregnancy that the last thing I wanted was to have Bean ripped out of my body. The reasons are lengthy and besides, I'm made to squeeze her out. The longer we wait, the more likely it is she will be a cesarean baby whether it's due to low fluids, size, inability to push, etc...

I had a strange urge this morning when I couldn't go back to sleep to get a cinnabon roll and latte at Burger King. I just sat in the parking lot savoring the fact that I was free to get up and go...take my time eating and drinking...even if it was just at the BK parking lot. I felt Bean tumble around in there--pleased that mummy had decided on a sweet breakfast today. I headed home to unload some tools and a step ladder out of my car then headed to get my car washed. Afterwards, I went for a foot massage and was lucky enough to get the same guy that massaged me well last week. Sure, his hands wreak of smoke like my Dad's, but he is thorough regardless of my size at this point, so for that, he gets an "A" for effort. I heated up leftover Kale Matzo Ball soup when I got home, read a little bit and then passed out on the couch. I swear this couch is a back/hip fucker upper because Dane has been hurting too. I know he doesn't want to admit it because it is a fairly new couch, but man, I think they designed it to keep people from lounging on it for too long! Anyhow, I'm just waiting for Dane to get home now so we can call Mee Mow.

It's kinda weirding me out that this is the last night we will be home without a baby...Going to sleep early tonight to prepare for the craziness. The next time I write, I'll be a mummy!

One of the reasons why I can't sleep at night

Yesterday night:

Today at the OB appointment:

Crazy pregnancy dream or premonition?

I woke up in a surprisingly calm state from a disturbing dream...I was taking a walk and noticed that my stomach felt lopsided, heavier on the right. I assumed it was one of those weird belly deforming contractions. Upon looking down, I was startled that my baby had curled up almost entirely to the right side (as she normally tends to do) and that I could SEE her yawning and stretching through my belly! It was as if my skin had become an opaque saran wrap and allowed me to see my daughter's features in soft, gummy bear definition...I cradled her through my belly and watched her move her little fists and squirm around as if she were tired of being so crammed in there...

We have our second appointment this week at 10:30a today. Monday's appointment had sent us to the hospital for closer monitoring and a fancier ultrasound to determine if Bean had enough fluid. Dr. Pravdin almost didn't check me because my numbers were acceptable last Thursday. I'm so glad I mentioned it. So, after drinking a huge sippy cup of iced water and another round of overpriced NST at the hospital, where they concluded Bean was doing great in there heart rate and movement-wise, we were sent down to radiology for the ultrasound. Kathy was not very friendly, but I was glad to see that Bean was happily moving around and was practicing breathing. SO weird to see her breathing when you know it's not air. Her head still measured ahead and her limbs a little behind. I was relieved when they downsized her weight to just about 7lbs. I had been concerned about needing a c-section to get her out, due to size, for a couple weeks now. The tech concluded my numbers were borderline, which isn't critical, but definitely not favorable. Hopefully we will see some progress today at our appointment since Easter is just 3 1/2 days away...I'm SO ready to have her now, but I keep on taking it one step at a time...

Perhaps my crazy dream was in response to all the strong contractions I've been feeling mixed with sheer exhaustion from lugging around all this weight. I'm so anxious for this pregnancy to be over so I can hold my precious little one. I find myself in tears at times from all the pelvic pain and even from her probing foot. There are so many things that I'm so excited about being able to do again after pregnancy, like taking the pleasant mile long walk to downtown to go to the Farmers Market or grab a bite to eat at one of the many restaurants. I want to sleep on my stomach, bend over normally to pick up something I've dropped with my fingers instead of toes, not pee every five minutes...just move without wincing! Now I just sound like I'm whining, which I kind of am...

Dane gets a haircut

I can barely contain my laughter as I sit here next to a Korean dude getting a perm and bobbing his head to the very classy lyrics of the song that's on. The lyrics seem to be, "I only came here for two reasons: bitches and the drinks. Bitches and the drinks. Bitches and the bitches and the bitches and the drinks." Dane looks a little worried and I admit, it's much shorter than what we had discussed. We were going for somewhere in between the length of Dane's doppelganger, David Gilmour, and the shaggy, laid back look of Kurt Cobain. In the end, Dane loved the way his hair felt and I like that his hair is now manageable! It'll take some getting used to since I haven't seen my husband with short hair in a long time...and I've NEVER seen him with short hair AND glasses. I think he looks like an artsy indie guy. Very different from the 80s black metal band hair that just got hacked off! I wish I had taken a before picture...

 

Oh, and I also found the lovely song on youtube :)

Is today "The Day"?

Yesterday was the date I had guessed little Bean would arrive. Instead, I spent the day lounging and went for an hour session of foot reflexology to try to induce. I had an original sized Banana Berry smoothie with soy protein from Jamba Juice, even though I'd normally never ingest more than a sixteen ounce beverage from there. This may be the last day...maybe. Dane and I went out for dinner at Phuong Thao Vietnamese restaurant in downtown Sunnyvale for our "last" supper. He ordered a whole pompano with a tangy tomato sauce and I ordered the seafood egg noodle soup. Why do I order seafood anything when I normally take two bites of it then give the the rest to Dane? What actually sent us there was my craving for vegetarian Viet egg rolls--yum! It was too late to go to a movie, so we stopped by Safeway to pick up some snacks for the big day and rented MIB 3 from Redbox. We had to unload pictures from the camera when we got home so Dane basically fell asleep through most of the movie he picked out :) That's okay. It may have been the "last" night he was able to do that...

Today, we have an appointment at 10:45am to determine whether or not I'll have to be induced. I have to leave in an hour and there are so many mixed emotions swirling around in my gut. All night I had laid there feeling Bean's sleep and wake cycle. From rhythmic writhing to her sticky foot syndrome where she feels like she's having a seizure, I thought about the super strong sac surrounding her little body. The fluid that my body instinctively knows to regenerate. Every amazing cell that needs no guidance to perform essential duties to make life possible...I hope there is good news today. One can't help but feel defective when their told that their body is performing any less than normal.

The Waiting Game...

I'm sitting on the couch with my trusty heating pad placed firmly between my Nightmare Before Christmas covered pillow and sore back...savoring the smell of dark chocolate Ghiradelli brownies baking in the oven. I realize that these may be the last brownies I bake before I transition to motherhood. I made sure to appreciate every step of the baking process. The freedom to do every task without having to think about anything or anyone else...As much as it sounds like I am dreading the impending birth of our daughter, I assure you that I'm not! I'm celebrating the end of an era that had its ups and downs, twists and turns. These days I find myself treasuring all the little things that have occurred along the way.

Yesterday's prenatal appointment was...interesting. Dane had taken the day off to spend some time with me so we leisurely made our way up to the appointment. We stopped at Starbuck's for coffee and at Noah's for egg & cheese bagels. Our wait at the office to be roomed was unusually short and as we sat in the room waiting for the doc, we had no idea what news awaited us. Dr. Pravdin came in with her usual "neutral" demeanor, swabbed me for the strep B test again and then began to take measurements. Weigh in: 7.29 lbs, with a +/- 20% variance. Yes, Bean, your head is still gigantic! The doc couldn't check how dilated my cervix was because I was too uncomfortable, but what she could tell me was that I was still 100% effaced, station 0. My amniotic fluid was even lower than last week, which is cause for concern. She would like for us to come back on Thursday to measure my fluids again. If it's gotten lower, she will start induction Thursday evening. Dane and I aren't too happy about a probable induction, but at least we both agree that Bean's well being is most important. The only fear I've had about labor and delivery is coming true. Once I got pregnant I started to worry less about an alien being exploding out of my vagina (how I had always described the birthing process before) but started freaking out instead about all the complications that could occur that might make our child less than perfectly healthy. I dread the thought of forcing our precious little Bean out of the comfort of my womb before she's ready. I dread the thought of her having to be cut out because of fetal distress even more...how I wish this pregnancy had been less complicated.

I suppose we are happy sad. Happy that we might get to meet our daughter sooner than anticipated, but sad under these unnatural circumstances. Bean has been, what I like to think, gleefully bopping around in there. Her back, butt and limbs can be easily made out with a firm rub of my belly...I'd like to take at least one more high quality video of her moving around in there before she's born. Yesterday, Dane and I had a little pre-birth photoshoot out by the lake near the Googleplex. We realized that we really didn't document this pregnancy very well with photos. I hope that one day Bean will be able to look at the pictures and see how happy her parents were just knowing she exists. There is so much love for this unborn child from everyone, it's overwhelming, but we feel so very blessed!

Better late than never...

I have gone back and forth the past couple months about whether creating a vlog or writing in my journal would encourage me to document this journey better. So much has happened and yet I feel this strange laziness to just focus on the event, live in the moment...to hell with the scribbles on paper. I wonder if Bean will prefer reading my oldschool journal one day or seeing this electronic version complete with pictures and videos. Personally, I would've chosen the former just because I love the smell of old paper and imagining how many anxious fingers flipped through the very same pages...it's a bit of fill-in-the-blanks when it comes to imagery, but I've always been blessed with a crazy imagination :)

This morning, I finished my third set of swaddle blankets and burp cloths. I've been appalled at how much these simple products cost and decided that I'd try my hand at it. So far, they look pretty darn spiffy. They're in the wash right now, so we'll see how they turned out after the dryer test!